Running
by AmazinglyMe
Summary: A oneshot in two parts. My take on some of the events from What Kate Did. The title is just there because, well, I had to think of something didn't I? COMPLETE.
1. Part I

**A/N: I know this is very short, and there's a (somewhat confusing) reason for that. Originally this was part of a oneshot. And I guess technically it still is. But I couldn't make the two parts fit together the way they should - their focus, and their tone, I think it's a little to different. So what I'm going to do is make this a Chapter One and the next part of the oneshot Chapter Two. Which is a little odd I will willingly admit. Anyway…**

** Disclaimer: I do not own Lost, or anything related to it. I do not own its characters, its setting, or even its concept. In fact, I don't even own this idea, because it's just a viewpoint of events in an episode. So you know what? Please, don't sue me.**

**Spoilers: Episode 2.09, What Kate Did, definitely. **

She hates that's he's a part of her, and so she can never be good. She sits, watching Sawyer, and thinking about him, not about Sawyer but another man with a Southern twang and some questionable morals. Wayne.

Finding out that he was her father hadn't been scary, or sob worthy, not to her. It had been **disgusting**. This man, her dad? This guy who took over her house, beat her mom? Her **dad**? That he was connected to her not just superficially, but genetically, it made her want to absolutely puke.

Instead, she'd blown him up.

She isn't really seeing Sawyer any more. She's seeing a house in flames, and her, riding away on a motorcycle, not bothering to look back because she knows what's happening. She's seeing -

"_Why did you kill me?_"

Hands shoot up and clasp tightly around her throat, hands that she knows will show no mercy, just as she didn't.

She gasps for air, desperate to get precious oxygen, to inhale. Her eyes widen in fear and she sees Wayne's face, staring accusingly at her. She's panicking now, choking, and she knows that she's going to pay for what she's done…

Then, instinct kicks in and she wallops Sawyer in the stomach, jerks back, and runs, leaving him lying on the floor.

She isn't thinking, she's just running. Left, right, left, right, through the jungle, as far away as she can get. And further. She can't get far enough away from this reminder of what she can never be, because he's a part of her.

And much as she tries to tell herself that it's just Sawyer, not a reincarnation of her Dad, come back to do whatever it is reincarnations of murdered fathers **do**, she can't believe it. That horse, and now this, and she has to wonder if she is going crazy because this can't just be chalked up to stress.

She can never be good.

But she can clearly be insane.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading - please review! Constructive criticism encouraged and welcomed - I'm here to improve my writing. But whatever it is you have to say, please, do review! And if you liked it, check back soon - I'll put up the second part if anyone wants to read it! **


	2. Part II

**A/N: This is the second part of "Running." At the time of this posting at least one person wanted to see it and that's good enough for me. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Lost, or its concepts and ideas.**

**I want to thank and credit http/ because I got all the dialogue from the scene correct thanks to their transcripts of the episode. **

When she finally stops she collapses, suddenly realizing that she's out of breath, and that she just **can't** go anymore. She sits, not crying, because she'll **never** cry because of Wayne - she promised herself that a long time ago - but sitting there broken. She's not good. She's terrible. She's terrible. **Terrible**.

It begins to echo in her head, over and over, one word. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

"Kate, what are you doing out here? What happened in the hatch, Kate? Why'd you leave? I come back -- I find Sawyer just lying on the ground. You just took off…" It's Jack.

Suddenly she's angry, no not just angry, she's disgusted. Just like she was when she found out about Wayne. She's disgusted. She doesn't know **why**, she just is. But concern jumps through all of this and words spill out of her mouth.

"Is he okay?" That might, she reflects, have been the wrong thing to say to Jack just now.

"Yes Kate, he's fine." Yeah, probably the wrong thing to say.

"I'm sorry." She just needs to get away from here. She needs to, because if she doesn't nothing good is going to happen here. Things are spiraling out of control, and everything's so close to the surface. She needs to be in control. She needs to leave.

"Are you?" His tone is angry, but there's something else there to, almost a plea.

"Yes!" Her fury washes over her like a tide, breaking on his unprepared head, and it feels good.

"Yeah I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you. I'm sorry that I'm not as good." She struggles for some semblance of composure, looking for calm, for quiet, or at least for stony silence. She can't find it.

"Okay, what's going on with you?" God, this is going to drive her crazy! Does he have to keep asking her these things? Does he have to try and be a shrink now of all times?

"Just forget it." Control. Complete control. Just walk away. So she does, she walks away from him. Only it isn't working, because his hand is on her arm, and he's grabbing her, and sounding just a bit out of control himself.

"No don't walk away from me."

"Let go of me! Just -" Anything to get her away from there. This can all be explained away later - not enough sleep, stress, whatever, if she can just keep from coming apart at the seams.

"No Kate." She's in his arms, and any other time the tingles that are running through her might of made her think, but right now she's sure she's going insane and so she's got bigger things to worry about. "Kate, Kate, Kate…"

"Don't! I've got…" Crying? Is this her, coming completely unglued? Yes, this is her. These are all the tears, this is everything. He's hugging her. Is this **him**? Maybe this is her, but is this **him**?

"It's okay. It's okay."

And all of a sudden words are tumbling out of her mouth, following each other in no logical pattern. "Please, this place is crazy…it's just…I can't…it's driving me nuts…"

"I know. It's okay. It's alright. It's alright." It's not, not really, but she wonders if that matters right now?

His hand is on her arm, she finally realizes that she's so very close to him, and she's looking into his eyes because it suddenly seems to be unavoidable. He's just **right there** and everything rushes into her throat at once, fear and anger and sorrow and God only knows what else, all surging up until she isn't sure if there's much to say. She doesn't know what's going to happen, but its not in her control anymore, nothing is.

And the obvious realization that this isn't moving in a particularly safe direction comes far to late as his lips touch hers and her eyes close because this is **Jack**.

And she can love.

Shock penetrates the deep joy that has created a haze around her brain as she finds that she can love. She can love him as much as she ever loved anyone, probably more, and her heart seems to slow down as she falls into him because he's just **Jack**.

The realization of what she's doing blasts and shivers through her like a bolt of lightning and she draws herself away. The look on his face isn't readable, and she doesn't try. She just runs.

She's always been good at running.

"Kate…!"

And she's gone again.

Because she knows she can never be good.

**A/N: I appreciate that it's not a happy ending exactly, but I just stopped at the end of the scene. Please review. J **


End file.
